I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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