This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
