the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
