I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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