Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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