My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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