He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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