if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
