A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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