Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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