Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
