Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
