He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
