I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
