Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
we have officially lost it.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
