I hate all girls vehemently.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
