there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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