is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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