I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Your penis caused this!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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