I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
