when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
