I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
