I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
