Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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