so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
