how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
