my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
