I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
vagina is talking i cant
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
