I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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