There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
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