is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
