2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
