laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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