I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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