is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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