I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
