He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
