If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
