i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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