i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
