Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
