I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The best revenge is premature balding
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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