My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize