I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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