covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
