We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
