So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
