I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
