Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
