speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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