so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
