This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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