She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
