super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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