I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
