It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
