I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
