i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
