Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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