I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
