I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
