When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
