The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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