i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
