There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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