I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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