so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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