Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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